Narcissism? Exactly the Opposite

Writing a blog about useless stuff at 12:28 AM instead of doing my extra credit writing assignment is not too wise, but to hell with wisdom. Oscar Wilde once said, "disobedience, in the eyes of any one who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion." I intend to take that as far as possible without violating my core principles.

So, when people say that "person's so full of himself", that "person really needs to tone it down", or "wow, fuck that douchebag", it is believed that the victim of these words are really narcissistic, meaning they are in love with themselves. Well, I'd like to reverse the thought that say those who are speaking are full of themselves. Usually, these kind of comments are heard in the hallways of high school, which I am in the senior year of, and it's a common thing to say. I have one specific friend who I always used to think, "that guy is a total durche" or "if I could punch him, I would punch him so hard I'll punch through his brains". He's a good friend but he is one self-loving animal. Nothing can discourage his ego nor his pride in every aspect of himself. But, as I reached the final year of this secondary educational experiment, I realized that I was just being too full of myself. 

I realized that I was hating on egotistic people because I was jealous. I wanted to be sure of myself and I wanted to be proud. But at the same time, I didn't want to lose my core belief in modesty. But as it seemed in high school, modesty wasn't the way you got popular and social. To be social, you need a particular personality, and with that personality comes a certain amount of self-love. I really was jealous of how he emphasized his positive attributes and ignored what people said of his ego.

Now, I'm not being hypocritical or counter-logical. I don't mean that the victim of the aforementioned phrases ("that person's so full of himself") aren't necessarily narcissistic. I just like to focus on the speaker, who I would like to clarify tends to be narcissistic. 

Okay, so back to me and this one dude. I realized I really was just in love with myself and my values. I was too proud being modest, and too proud of me being the anti-ego person that I was actually hating on the guy. If I truly was not in love with myself, I would probably have ignored him. Who really cares if a guy is narcissistic? In truth, I was being too proud and him, well I think he was being a socialite. I wanted to be like him, and I hated that he was able to be self-loving without succumbing to nasty looks around him.

Well, that whole story wasn't supposed to be told. I actually wanted to discuss how humans dislike other humans that possess similar characteristics. But I guess that isn't being narcissistic, just competitive.