Never say Never...man!!

Sex. Violence. Drugs. Things that we don't like to talk about because they're basically the subjects society likes to cover up. On that note, I'd like to delve and explore the abyss (or heavenly rainbow with a golden leprechaun at the end for good measure) that society disgusts, adores, and misunderstand all at the same time - beiber.

For good measure, I'd like to note that Beiber is Canadian and should remain Canadian in order to promote the less-than-supreme, kiddish state that Canada is assumed to be in. Since American word is the law of the world (please stop messing up, yes you, Egypt, and you, Libya), I assume the law is Canada is as never cool as the U.S. and anything related to Canada is just less-than-average. Except for healthcare, but you can always constrain yourself from McDonald :) though I must say, it is inexorably difficult to pull yourself away from those heavenly fries. God, those are good.

The debate goes...1) he's an adorable, lovable, talented singer who happens to be just the right material that teen girls drool upon 2) he's a selfish immature jerk who hasn't matured himself into the music community and the value of hard work. As always, there's always the gray, but it remains very limited in this prompt...and no, gray doesn't count the indifferent.

I'd have to say he's a very good singer but he's somehow different than the previous teenage idols (spears, cyrus (montana), mostly because his voice can't be translated to the the darker side of the musical community. Strangely, he's the only male solo singer idol in the last decade who's as popular as he is at such an age. And, he's doing a good job of maintaining his clean-cut, preppy image. It fits his style, his voice. Even when the possibly crude rappers enter his songs, it never is too explicit for the 14u ears. I must tread on my toes however as previous idols have walked on the same path only to diverge into the fiery pits of sexual imagery. Except Taylor Swift. She is an angel.

in conclusion, he's a doll. if his voicebox was implanted in the body of the Mr. Efron i would reconsider listening. please, beiber, no more acting....

my first college interview!

I had my first college interview today and in summary, it was a wonderful time, talking with a very intellectual and genuinely nice person. She is a professor of medicine at the UW and she was very accepting of me, despite my nervousness. It was incredibly fun just to talk with her and I realized that if this was the type of person who exemplifies Dartmouth College, I definitely want to be part of it.

However, it was inevitable that I feel regret after my interview. I realized after she talked about the numerous number of outdoor activities at Dartmouth, the small-town feel of the college, the beautiful scenery, the gorgeous weather in Hanover, I couldn't help feel that on record, I was inadequate for such a high-level college. What kind of an Ivy League school admits a student with less than a 4.0 GPA? I can feel the pangs of regret and I wish I would have been a little bit more mature about my choices in high school. Dartmouth is like heaven for me: friendly, small-town, outdoorsy. I wish that I had applied to more liberal arts schools than just Dartmouth in the New England area.

But alas, there's not point in regretting because the present keeps arriving even if I am stuck in the past. Whatever college I go to, I'm sure I'll find a way to adapt. Did you know there's a ski-slope dedicated just for Dartmouth?! How convenient/cool is that

yahyah

I'm so tired today I don't have the energy to post a full post. So, I'm going to leave with a question: Are you more mature when you are poor? Does economic status determine the level of your wisdom and "real", non-academic, knowledge?

too old

i think i'm way too old.

i just feel completely apathetic to anything around me: friends' problems, how i present myself to others, what i'm going to do in life, what i care about and most of all, my grades. It's like I'm already past my youthful prime because all the things that my friends talk about - Starcraft, tvtropes, NBA, other stuff - doesn't interest me at all. I act like I'm interested because I want to just be friends. Working hard at school doesn't interest me, nothing at all interests me. I can lose everything I have and I'll be more or less as content as I am right now.

My present state is just terrible. Maybe because I feel such a way do I sound perhaps too blunt to people. Maybe because I say things that people want to hear do they think I'm immature. All the stuff my friends laugh and joke about, I find it not very funny. Sometimes, it's easier just conversing with an adult than with a friend because I don't find any of the youthful matters too interesting.

Also, I think my principals go against the tide of the age. First, I'm first and foremost a Christian. With that comes all its conservative values. Next, I'm a Korean immigrant. My parents are from very very poor backgrounds (my Mom and Dad both didn't have homes at some points in their lives). They succeeded because they tried and didn't take things for granted. I'm not pitying myself, just extremely mad at myself. I mistook being in PRISM and having my mom take care of everything for me as a chance to indulge in whatever I wanted. With the internet at my fingertips, it was super easy to spend hours, even days on anything I wanted.

All this comes from me receiving my grades for the semester. When you look at my grades over the course of high school, they get consistently worse. (No Cs for more Bs). It's sad because it shows that I've been taking advantage of my parents' resources and time. More importantly, I've been taking advantage of my health (I could've been a lot taller and healthier if I had slept instead of watching those Youtube videos or playing those games.) But, I took comfort in that a lot of my friends did so. I got the impression that everyone stays up late and indulges in whatever they want. There are a few people out there who don't, but most of them do.

So I feel terrible. I myself hate being taken advantage of in any situation, and I feel that me taking advantage of my parents was a terrible thing to do, even if it was something small like using up "homework" time for Youtube or gaming. I've felt this guilt for a long time but I've continued because I was simply too lazy and the things I did were fun. It's amazing how some people do all the things I do, against their parents' wishes, and still not feel guilty. Maybe I'm the anomaly, but I think this is what maturity is. It's time I stopped wasting my time and yes, even if that means I have nothing to talk about with friends. I love my friends. But, it's my fault that I decided to do these things and it's time to stop.

Perhaps my title is named wrongly. Perhaps I'm not too mature or old, but that I just have an especially sensitive conscience to my parents' words. And, when I lie, it shows in my health and my living. I just can't bare living upon guilt. Yes, I could just manage my time better - but I think it's time I started over. It's too hard to start "limiting" myself to less and less indulgence.

First post

So my dear friend D invited me into this blog battle, which at first I didn't like the sound of. First, it really isn't a battle more of a friendly rivalry to keep each other blogging and writing creatively and second, battling online makes me think of swords and kamehamehas that gets me too excited. I think in order to write creatively, you kind of have to get into this pensive mode, a sort of open consciousness that requires a person to not be jittery. So, I would rather call it a rivalry. Kind of like Federer and Nadal, which I think is the greatest rivalry to ever and will exist in the history of all athletic events.

Pensive thought.

Now for the real meat of the post today: swearing. My dear friend M told me today that he never swears and I couldn't help but notice the uniqueness of his status. He tells me that only when he does things that matter to him, like baseball, does he whisper the F-bombs and S-words (which he hates). But, in any other situation, his mouth can't physically utter the words that are common these days. I thought about this, and I realized that swear words have become so commonplace these days, as if they're a key to deeper thinking or something...I couldn't disagree more. I really think there's a certain respect that you can hold yourself to, and swearing is one of them. If you don't swear, you keep that one boundary that you could've broken. Of course, life is about breaking boundaries and reaching out and experiencing the unknown - still, swearing is just unnecessary. I saw the King's Speech on Sunday and one of the methods by which King George VI got to have confidence in himself was by crossing that line of swearing. F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- F--- he would utter. I do agree there's a certain pleasure and low-level confidence you gain from that but it's not necessary to utter vulgar words unless you are literally afraid of your own shadow. If you are, then swearing is only one way you can get rid of your psychological barrier. But most of us aren't. Swearing is just "cool" in today's society and it's pretty much a social norm to say vulgar words every once in a while. I wholeheartedly disagree, even though I've said some swear words before.

It's not to say that not swearing makes you "above" other people. No, first and foremost it's a personal respect you give yourself. Perhaps secondly you may consider yourself more righteous and holy than other worldly muggles but that's just being a stuck-up bugger.

delving into some deepness

so I heard my mom say "you're not mature" today.

I know I'm not, but it just discourages me so much to hear that. I'm the firstborn so I kinda have to be the mature one, but I'm just not. I don't even know what maturity is. It probably has a lot to do with my mother's perception of what maturity is. Regardless, my suspicions conclude that maturity is:

1. Able to take care of oneself by a) sleeping adequately b) recovering from indulgence c) eating healthily.
2. Taking care of what's important first. Need comes before desire. So in my parents' view: grades and school come before exercise and personal fitness.
3. Able to be non-dramatic and still maintain friends.

I agree with most of them. I just have a problem with the first two because I have a tendency to indulge and not thinking of myself in the process. I indulge, blame myself for it, keep digging myself in guilt until someone notices and shouts at me to stop thinking about the past. I indulge and indulge and sleep becomes to have no importance. I should really really change that because sleep is probably the most important thing in my life right now. I just have to remind myself that days go on and it's not the end of the world if I don't do this or that today.

I also have to realize what is important and do that first before I do what I want. Like right now, I should be doing some sort of a scholarship application or working on my homework. Instead, I'm writing about how I should improve my life on a public blog. So...I will go now.